Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You've changed since you got that strap on
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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