I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
