I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
