my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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