After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
