i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
