so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
