she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
soo... how was my night?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
