Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
