Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
