we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
