She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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