if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
