break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
