At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
