My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm like, not good at living.
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