wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
