Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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