If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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