I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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