I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
