dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he thought i was a dude.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
