plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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