You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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