And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
