Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
