apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
