Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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