How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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