Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
