Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
is wine microwaveable?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
