just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
