ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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