Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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