I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
