3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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