I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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