____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
