Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
