Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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