I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
