Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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