I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
