I want to stick my p in your. b.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
