I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
