Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
