she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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