Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
