you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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