Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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