I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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