i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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