Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
